I would like to talk about that thing that no one likes to talk about or admit that even exists. The elephant in the room for most of us (especially musicians and artists in general). Ego. For most people, when they even hear the word, they run for cover in a defensive dash, in preparation for getting called out or fear of receiving some ill derived toxic criticism. The term itself has taken on a negative status in our modern day of righteous indignation and virtue signaling (and other such deflections and redirections). So what is the deal with that damning term, “Ego?”
The almighty Google defines Ego as; “A person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.” In and of itself, that really isn’t a bad thing. The street meaning of Ego takes on a bit more negative view. That version reads more like; “A person’s false sense of self greatness and overly exaggerated self importance, often derived from an abundance of character flaws and negative intent.” I would like to hereby dismiss the widely accepted common version and get back to the real thing. I think it is important to have a good ego. Ego derives from your sense of self but translates into everything you do. I have a friend that put it in a great context for me many years ago, when I had mentioned that I did not want to be seen as egotistical. He said, “You need enough ego go out and put on your A game every time. However, anything more than that is a waste.” That stuck with me and I think it is right on.
It really is okay for you to have a good opinion of yourself. You should strive to be happy in and of yourself. If you aren’t, I encourage you to work on whatever is keeping you feeling that way. That is not to say that you should worship yourself, as that is pretty dangerous, but it’s okay to feel good about yourself. It’s sad that we live in an age where someone would even have to tell you that it’s okay to like yourself. It’s also healthy to always re-evaluate yourself, identify your issues, and work on them, but self loathing is a killer. Strive for the best you, daily, but like what you do good, and like who you are. You were given the unique gift of you, and it’s up to you to be a good steward [to manage and/or look after] of that gift.
More specifically to the musical end, you need a solid ego to play at your best, every time you sing or play your instrument(s). Confidence is a great quality. Cockiness is less admirable. The difference primarily comes from their use of ego. A strong ego used to put on a great performance falls under confidence. A strong ego used to outperform or make others look inferior would fall in the cocky category. At the end of the day, are you more interested in serving the band and music, or yourself? An ego check can help you re-align, and it’s never too late to get right.
So, what if someone plays more than they need to on a song, doesn’t that make them egotistical? Not necessarily. Again, what is their intention and what is their execution? There is nothing wrong with using your talents and abilities. Everyone has their own ideas about what is good and what is too much, but at the end of the day, if it works in the music, then it’s all good. I think some tolerance for personal expression is a good thing. I hear belly-aching from musicians sometimes about bands or other musicians, and it usually leads to an often misunderstood and over used word. “Pretentious.”
Google defines pretentious as; “Attempting to impress by affecting greater importance, talent, culture, etc., than is actually possessed.” This ties in with the ego discussion is it stems from a negative use of ego. We live in a day and age however, where so many seem to get upset when they see anyone else succeeding or even attempting to succeed. This also is detrimental as it has led to so many trying to ruin others they see as making any progress. We as a society should really start taking a look in the mirror. A little more tolerance could do wonders for everyone. And as a musician, I am often inspired by those that have something to offer or that make it. I have a hard time understanding the constant contempt for anyone that would do well.
So, where do we stand after we look at ego, and the negative and positives derived from it? At the end of the day, you should always strive to be the better you, and all that you pursue. There is nothing wrong with confidence and believing in yourself. You should feel good about you. With that, you should try to remain humble and be considerate of others, but know what you offer and know yourself. Represent yourself and never be afraid to better yourself and reach for the stars. Have the security in yourself to appreciate the success of others, even if it’s not your cup of tea, and who knows, maybe you can even learn something from them. If your intentions are good, you can yield good results from them. Don’t be afraid to check yourself and re-evaluate, but remember to like yourself. After all, you know you best, and you can make a great person with the hand you have been dealt, even if you have to work around some things [as we all do]. I believe in you, so there is a start right there. Get your ego right, and show the world who you are!
– Chris McKinney